I saw the therapist again last night and we did more hard stuff, after reviewing the week that was. I know there is no way out but through, and I know I will feel pretty destabilised for a while.
Its like I have swept stuff under the carpet all my life and now there's no flat areas left to walk on. It is so full of lumps and bumps that stumbling is UNAVOIDABLE. Sigh. So I am biting the bullet and having a sweep out (I KNEW I hated cleaning for a reason). Inner child stuff, self-esteem issues, eldest child stuff, boyfriend stuff, parenting stuff, useless mother guilt stuff, pointless beating up on yourself stuff. All being taken out and looked at. Sigh. Brave maybe, but hard, and I'm not going back to walking around ALL the lumpy bits again. Some may stay, in smaller piles perhaps for another day, or mostly unfixable. But maybe...just maybe... I could let a lot of it go...there's certainly stuff that it would be painful to keep any longer.
I went to work today, and I have come home sane, not too stressed, and will be optimistic about going back tomorrow. When Don comes home tonight we will all go to the hospital together to see T, who has a second small bleed on the brain, but is not too much worse.
Thanks for listening (and commenting). The acceptance and comfort of friends really does help.
Day by day, keep breathing, stay vertical.